Half the time the music I listen to has a narcotic effect. Listening to it can put one into a trance-like state of altered consciousness. You could use it to commune with your ancestors. Or see Jesus. It is a semi-religious experience. A form of temporary enlightenment, a separation of the frontal lobes. By which I mean:
The music I listen to will FUCK YOU UP.
It also seems to hurt my teeth.
I have a crick in my neck. it comes from being hunched over, like a Buddha with bad posture, in full lotus. Leaning forward over a keyboard, looking up into the monitor, as type this drivel which you will then read.
I am polluting your mind with my perverse sutra. You should thank me.
It’d be great if you thanked me with monies.
But I digress. I wanted to tell you about the smell of plastic feces with which my brain is being pelted with by hypnotic monkey simulations. (you should never open our fridge if you can avoid it)
They are growing meat in labs. Yes this news is nearly a month old and I’m sure many of you are already aware of this and have moved on. Well FUCK YOU, it’s still interesting and I’m writing about it now.
ANYWAY! They estimate it will be commercially available within five years. The future is NOW. Of course, the first thing that comes to mind (as was brought up by many people before me I am quite certain) is: if it’s artificially grown human flesh, is it still cannibalism>?
The thing I find interesting about all of this (well, one of the things anyway) was the comment by the Deranged Ethics Terrorists about how if it didn’t come from dead animals there was no ethical reason against it. HOWEVER they had to take cells from a live animal in order to grow this meat. Last time I checked they didn’t condone the use of animals for science. Or anything else for that matter. Not that I’m saying they’re wrong to say it isn’t unethical. I’m just saying the statement seems a little too sane to have come from them. Perhaps they’re trying to reform their image. You know move away from the ‘sociopathic fucktwat’ look into a ‘harmless lunatic ranting about something misguided’. Kinda like going from serial killer to charming homeless guy outside your work.
Side note on PETA cause I’m thinking of it, I still think PETA vs Doughney was a seriously unconstitutional use of the ACPA. I mean, I get the ACPA. I understand why it exists. But, at the same time… what a sack of infected rectums it actually is.
We are now 4 days away from the NEW YEAR. This in some abstract way means something to people. Less so to me than most I think. However! It is the only Holiday I actually LIKE. Halloween is tolerable and on occasion mildly entertaining. The rest of them inspire festering rot in the whale scrotum that serves as my brain. I’m talking testicular LESIONS inside my skull. Which is to say I’m not really a fan of them. I have recently learned to appreciate a certain piece of holidays. In that, as much as I loathe the majority of everything, I love seeing the people I do not loathe, happy. If holidays make them happy then I will suffer through them without complaint and with a smile on my face (when people are looking). Even if I am forced to endure such things while sober I will NOT break.
Back to the New Year. Even though it shall soon be a new decade, I will not be posting a reminiscence on the last decade. What’s the point>? If you are reading this you lived through it as well as I did and, given what I know about myself (which on a good day is more than you know about me), you probably remember the last ten years a hell of a lot better than I. I am however quite interested in where we are going. I won’t look so far ahead as the next decade yet. At least, not for any predictive purposes. There are lots of things which I know are going to happen over the next ten years, and I am interested in many of them. What I am really interested in though, are the things which will blindside my ass. Humanity may infuriate me on a regular basis but it is capable of many things which are awesome. The food of the future is also fairly exciting, like the afore mentioned lab grown meat, even if it’ll probably hurt my stomach just as much as the real thing (imagine though, genetically engineered bacon grown just for you) The food of the past is also interesting. Not only in the “lets see what it looks like now that 8 hours have passed and someone gave me thermite pills” kind of way. Historical foods are tasty, present foods are tasty. Future foods will kick my ass into dust with happiness.
I desire stimulants. Coffee with a red bull creamer. Maybe a redline chaser. I miss writing on rooftops.
Anyway.
I think I’m coming down now. So I’m out. Be good and try not to fornicate with too many single cell organisms. Sometimes masturbating into a jar, is just masturbating into a jar.
Fuck cigars.
Sean McStravick.
